silwritersguild | The Rough Guide to Beleriand (Reply)

In an attempt to kickstart my writing abilities I sketched out a travel guide to Beleriand, loosely inspired by The Rough Guide to The Lord of the Rings. Vaguely humorous

Title: The Rough Guide to Beleriand

Rating: General

Angband

Languages: The Black Speech

Inhabitants: Orcs, Balrogs, the occasional werewolf or vampire, not forgetting Morgoth himself. Don’t expect a warm welcome, although fire of some kind may well be involved.

Sights: The Silmarils in Morgoth’s crown are well worth seeing if you can get close enough.

Things to do: Not much recreation available unless hard labour in the mines is your idea of fun or you fancy a holiday job as a torturer. Thangorodrim has wonderful views, but getting down will be a problem, except if you’ve managed to lay on Eagle transport.

Accommodation: Mostly mines and dungeons.

Access and exit: Despite fearsome gates and a ferocious guard dog you will probably not find it hard to get admitted to Angband. Exit visas are another matter; getting out is liable to cost, if not an arm and a leg, certainly one of your hands.

Belegost and Nogrod

Languages: Khuzdûl the language of the dwarves has been learned by hardly anyone not born a dwarf (although it is not actually true you need a special throat deformation to speak it). However many dwarves speak at least one second language although there’s no saying which one.

Inhabitants: Dwarves, mostly of the Firebeards and Broadbeams tribes.

Things to do: Dwarves do not offer much in the way of leisure activities but their halls are an excellent place to learn crafts.

Accommodation: Roomy and comfortable, no need to worry about low ceilings as dwarves do think big. Just don’t expect a room with a view.

Access and exit: A talent for craftsmanship will serve as your passport. Failing that, just bring some gold. You may have a tough job finding the doors though.

Doriath

Languages: Sindarin. Do not try talking Quenya which will get you swiftly ejected.

Inhabitants: Sindarin elves only, although you may meet some visiting dwarf craftsmen.

Things to do: Great for bird-watching and you should not miss the regular song-and-dance festivals.

Accommodation: Menegroth, the Thousand Caves, is a very famous settlement and as the name suggests quite roomy. If you can get into Doriath you can usually get into Menegroth.

Access and exit: Doriath has the strictest immigration controls in Beleriand. In fact Men and Noldor may as well not bother applying unless you are directly related to King Thingol or accompanied by some kind of numinous Fate, and in the latter case your reception may leave something to be desired.

Gondolin

Languages: Quenya of a somewhat archaic type. You may get by with Sindarin

Inhabitants: All Elven

Things to do: Noted for specialist branches of learning, such as heraldry and the study of eagles.

Accommodation: Gondolin lacks public hostelries, so your best bet is to formally join one of the city ‘houses’ as soon as you arrive.

Access and exit: Gondolin is almost impossible to find and nearly as difficult to get into if you do. There are two recorded ways of leaving – secret tunnels or Eagle express. The third way out is to get thrown off the walls.

Himring

Languages: You should find there is some knowledge of most languages, although it is not wise to try to use the Black Speech

Inhabitants: Elves, some mortal mercenaries.

Things to do: Good for a rock climbing holiday and there is excellent horse-riding on the plains below.

Accommodation: Fair, except in times of siege when it gets extremely cramped

Access and exit: Not too difficult if you don’t mind a long climb. Some military experience will be an advantage if looking for a work visa

Hithlum, including Mithrim and Dor-lomin

Languages: Quenya and Sindarin, some Mannish languages

Inhabitants: Noldor and Sindarin Elves, Hadorian mortals mostly settled in Dor-lomin

Things to do: Lake Mithrim is good for water sports and the ski slopes in the mountain areas are superb. Also the elvish inhabitants throw legendary parties

Accommodation: Plenty of options, although you should plan where to stay in advance as Hithlum covers a big area.

Access and exit: Hithlum welcomes careful settlers, so long as you don’t publicly declare support for Morgoth you should be fine.

Nargothrond

Languages: The standard – Quenya and Sindarin

Inhabitants: Noldor and Sindar, fluctuating handful of mortals, sometimes visiting Dwarves

Sights: The interior decoration is a famous blend of styles.

Accommodation: Just try and find a free room somewhere.

Access and exit: Famously hard to find but not too hard to get into once you do.

Nan Elmoth

Languages: Sindarin.

Inhabitants: Reports are rather confused about whether the inhabitants are Sindarin or Avarin; either way there are not many of them.

Things to do: Nan Elmoth is said to be an ideal place for honeymoons and courting couples. It’s all too easy to lose track of time there though.

Accommodation: Only the Halls of Eöl, which are spacious but rather gloomy..

Access and exit: Entrance can be either by leave of Eöl or by getting lost. Finding the way out again may be hard.

Nevrast

Languages: None at the moment, unless you speak Seagull.

Inhabitants: None, but there are reports of occasionally interesting visitors.

Sights: Ancient ruins.

Things to do: Looking at ancient ruins and not much else.

Accommodation: Ancient ruins.

Access and exit: No problem at all.

Ossirand

Languages: A localised form of Sindarin

Inhabitants: Green-Elves, a tribe so retiring you may not actually notice them.

Sights: Acknowledged Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty.

Things to do: Plenty of hunting opportunities.

Accommodation: Best to bring your own tents.

Access and exit: There should be no difficulties as the Green-elves are quite accustomed to people wandering through their territory. They do take dim view of vandals, so be prepared to receive a formal complaint if you carve your name on a tree.