silwritersguild | Drabbles: Thangorodrim Recovery

My first post to this community! Yay! These are two drabbles that focus on Maedhros's recovery from Thangorodrim. The first is in Maedhros's POV, the second is in Maglor's.

Title: Not Dead

Author: jesatria
Rating: PG

Warnings: Mention of Maedhros’s amputation. Nothing graphic.
Summary: Maedhros, after being rescued from Thangorodrim, comes to realize that he is alive

Slipping in and out of consciousness, I do not know if I am alive or dead. At first I believe that I am dead, but a dull and distant pain in my arm tugs me back to reality. I am not dead, but I should be. The memories of what happened come rushing back to me.

Findekáno.

He saved me. Beyond all hope, he saved me. When my uncle’s host failed to hear my desperate cries for help, I gave up hope of ever being rescued. Yet there was still some part of me that refused to die. Even when I begged Findekáno to slay me, fate intervened. I’m not dead. Not entirely dead, anyway. I can feel where my hand used to be, the hand that committed the kinslaying. I feel the sting of phantom pains that remind me of the price of my freedom.

It appears that the Valar have unfinished business with me.

Title: Guilt

Author: jesatria
Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Summary: Maglor hopes that Maedhros can one day forgive him.

I sit beside him, watching him sleep. My harp rests against my chair, within my reach in case I should need it. His sleep is rarely peaceful. He does not speak of his dreams; in fact he has not spoken at all since the rescue. It tears at my heart to watch him twisting and turning, in the grip of some horrible nightmare. When he screams, I reach for my harp and begin to play a soothing song. I know that I must somehow atone for abandoning him to Morgoth.

Findekáno did what I was afraid to do. He rescued my brother. I confess that I did not believe I would ever see Maitimo again. To ease my mind, I convinced myself that he was dead. When Findekáno returned with him, I felt terrible pangs of guilt. It should’ve been me who saved him. I am his brother and I failed him.

“Forgive me,” I whisper to him as I watch him sleep. “Someday, please forgive me.”