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[aramel-calawen.livejournal.com]

Title: A Conflict of Loyalties
Author: Aramel (aramel_calawen)
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Double-drabble. A Sindarin OC's take on Thingol's ban of Quenya. Or, why Fingon was still shouting in Quenya at the Fifth Battle-- and why his soldiers, a good portion of whom must have been Sindarin, were answering him.

The message came bare days ago: No Sinda is to speak the tongue of the Noldor, and those who do so are to be held as traitors and slayers of kin unrepentant. What this meant was that we were to be deaf when addressed in Quenya, and to shun those who used it.

All of us here in Dor-lomin had heard the command, read by a herald from the Hidden Kingdom, and I could not help but be angry; for how could Thingol presume to command me? I never saw him, and the only claim he had to me was the fact that I was a Sinda. Yet I was born here, in Dor-lomin, and the lord I had sworn to, and whom I was esquire to, was Fingon the Valiant.

Now that same lord approached, and I rose from my seat. He shook his head and motioned at me. "Sit, please," he said in his native tongue, habitually, then caught himself, and hurriedly spoke in Sindarin "Ah-- I did not mean to offend--"

I would not shame him thus, and I suspected that many others would feel the same. "It is nothing," I said in Quenya, and smiled.

Apologies to galadhir-- this bunny's been gnawing at me ever since I read Oak and Willow.

Comments

[elvses.livejournal.com]

This seems like it would be a very good beginning to a longer story about relations between the Sindar and the Noldor, and between the North Sindar and the Doriathrim. I'd like to see you expand it.

[martal0712.livejournal.com]

Hi Aramel,

I like this as it is but would probably read an expanded version if you read it, and assuming I had the time/was in the mood to read - I'm often not, but that has nothing to do with you. But now for the nitpicks:

"What this meant was that we were to be deaf when addressed in Quenya, and to shun those who used it."

This does not feel tight enough for a language, and it also passes up a good place to show some disdain. Do you think it would work if you replaced "What this meant was that" with the word "so", and made a question of this sentence? You could then use those words elsewhere where you might need them. (I see no specific place, I'll leve that up to you.

"and I could not help but be angry; for how could Thingol presume to command me?"

The use of the semicolon feels odd here. I suppose it would be okay if you deleted "for". Better yet in my opinion. Would be to make the clause starting "for how" into its own sentence.

Combined with what I suggest above, this would mean two rhetorical questions back to back. Not sure how to avoid that, or if it's a problem for you, but thought I should point it out.

Other than that, it looks pretty good.

Marta

[clotho123.livejournal.com]

Interesting. You do have to wonder why anyone outside Doriath would have listened to Thingol.