Young!Feanor Drabble

[martal0712.livejournal.com]

Hey guys,

I recently posted a drabble over at my journal:

http://martal0712.livejournal.com/29178.html

It is about a young Feanor who is still learning his craft. And I think I struggled to capture the voice of a young Noldorin elf. I wanted to him in-character but didn't want it to sound too "high" because he is still more or less the elven equivalent of a teenager.

If anyone has the time and interest, I would really appreciate have a Feanatic look over the drabble for me. Does the language seem out of place anywhere? Are Feanor's actions true to how you think he would act?

Thanks in advance.

Comments

[tehta.livejournal.com]

Okay, it all makes sense now! I guess I had originally assumed that if the author hadn't replied to your comment, she wouldn't have updated the story using your comments, either. So, well. It's good that she did change it though. I approve of people who ask for comments actually accepting and using them!

If you change your pace, especially with short pieces, it alarms the reader that something is said which you should pay attention too.

That's a good point.

For Whom The Bell Tolls is a classic. (And, incidentally, I've always thought that a deliberately Hemmingwayesque style would be a brilliant way to write Aragorn. Think of the manliness!) I've read Angela's Ashes, but I guess I should take another look at it as I remember it as told from more of an adult-looking-at-the-past perspective. But while we're on the subject of 1) children's voices and 2) gifted Irish authors, I like Roddy Doyle's Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha a lot, and At Swim Two Boys has some excellent young-POV moments, too.

[rhapsody11.livejournal.com]

Well, knowing Marta, I think she has :) *pokes Marta* I think in the loads of e-mails she hasn't gotten the time to comment.

I read Angela's ashes last year and I was swept away by it, I didn't see the adult pov at all *looks around for her copy*. I have 'Tis waiting for me to read, but I don't have much time alone to put my feet up and read. Also, did you know his brother wrote a book too? And this thread makes me want to read my favs again *sigh*

I love Roddy Doyle! I have all his works here, except for the latest and I am quite addicted to the Barrytown trilogy (especially of the Commitments where I have the book, cd, dvd LOL). I was wondering if James Joyce did the same too with his classic a portrait of an...., but it has been too long since I read that. I need more hours in a day.

[tehta.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have read 'Tis and Malachy's A Monk Swimming. They both have more books, though, that I have not even seen. I just remember Angela's Ashes as having some musings on miserable Catholic childhoods and various moral questions interwoven with the text, but I could be confusing it with some other Irish novel.

I love the Barrytown trilogy, as I am a big fan of humour-with-meaning. I also admire The Woman Who Walked Into Doors, and bring it as an example whenever people claim that writers cannot use opposite-gender POVs effectively.