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SUBMITTED FOR WORKSHOPPING
Aug. 3rd, 2005 05:30 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
digdigil.livejournal.comI hereby submit Chapter 24 of The Lord of the Jewels
It can be found in two parts (because of the way that I posted it) on the July 29th entry of this journal.
Here are some points I wanted to discuss, and questions I had about this piece:
1) Irmo and Este traveled to the Halls of Mandos with the others, but I did not have them do or say anything in this Chapter. Is it necessary to do that? If a group of people are present in a chapter, should each one have to speak or take some sort of action? Is it OK if some of them just hang around?
2) If I were to include Irmo & Este, I would do it for these reasons: (i) they are actually nice people. Some of the other Valar are questionable, but I would separate out I & E to contrast them with the others, and (ii) I would have Irmo approach Mandos and say something like this: "Brother, I believe that what you and Manwe plan to do is against the policies of the Valar that we planned, along with Eru, far back in the history of Ea. We were to be the protectors of the Children of Iluvatar; and especially the Firstborn. Este and I have talked about this, and we do not agree with the sacrifice that you plan with Manwe, to throw Feanor to Morgoth as if he were distaff to be tossed away so lightly. It is a life I speak of, Mandos, yet he be dead and then resurrected. He once was the greatest of his kind. What you do is wrong". Or something along those lines. Again, it would be to separate them from the rest.
3) Does anything come across as muddled in this Chapter? (Despite the fact it's out of context.)
4) Have I made any errors regarding canonical history? This is not entirely an AU story, but some aspects that I wanted to keep AU are:
- when you go to Valinor, you become immortal.
- you can die there, but you will go to the Halls of Mandos.
- some of the characters who never met in Tolkien's writings, WILL meet in mine.
- there are new characters in this story.
5) Is Lindaril a Mary Sue? - she is not from our world.
- she is not perfect.
- while she is an OFC, she is related to
some of Tolkien's real characters.
6) What I think the strengths are: - good characterizations
- exciting, plot-driven story
7) The weaknesses: - too rushed a writing style
- not enough descriptions or dialogue, which would
serve to slow the pace
It can be found in two parts (because of the way that I posted it) on the July 29th entry of this journal.
Here are some points I wanted to discuss, and questions I had about this piece:
1) Irmo and Este traveled to the Halls of Mandos with the others, but I did not have them do or say anything in this Chapter. Is it necessary to do that? If a group of people are present in a chapter, should each one have to speak or take some sort of action? Is it OK if some of them just hang around?
2) If I were to include Irmo & Este, I would do it for these reasons: (i) they are actually nice people. Some of the other Valar are questionable, but I would separate out I & E to contrast them with the others, and (ii) I would have Irmo approach Mandos and say something like this: "Brother, I believe that what you and Manwe plan to do is against the policies of the Valar that we planned, along with Eru, far back in the history of Ea. We were to be the protectors of the Children of Iluvatar; and especially the Firstborn. Este and I have talked about this, and we do not agree with the sacrifice that you plan with Manwe, to throw Feanor to Morgoth as if he were distaff to be tossed away so lightly. It is a life I speak of, Mandos, yet he be dead and then resurrected. He once was the greatest of his kind. What you do is wrong". Or something along those lines. Again, it would be to separate them from the rest.
3) Does anything come across as muddled in this Chapter? (Despite the fact it's out of context.)
4) Have I made any errors regarding canonical history? This is not entirely an AU story, but some aspects that I wanted to keep AU are:
- when you go to Valinor, you become immortal.
- you can die there, but you will go to the Halls of Mandos.
- some of the characters who never met in Tolkien's writings, WILL meet in mine.
- there are new characters in this story.
5) Is Lindaril a Mary Sue? - she is not from our world.
- she is not perfect.
- while she is an OFC, she is related to
some of Tolkien's real characters.
6) What I think the strengths are: - good characterizations
- exciting, plot-driven story
7) The weaknesses: - too rushed a writing style
- not enough descriptions or dialogue, which would
serve to slow the pace
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